


Boys only want love if it's torture, don't say I didn't warn you

by Miyukitty



Series: Yowamushi Ghoul [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul, 弱虫ペダル | Yowamushi Pedal
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Tokyo Ghoul, Betrayal, Blood and Gore, Body Worship, Canon-Typical Violence, Crossover, Demisexuality, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Ghouls and their Humans, Homoromantic, Humiliation, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Interspecies Romance, M/M, Pining, Sorry Not Sorry, Toudou Jinpachi Being an Idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-16 05:12:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3475736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miyukitty/pseuds/Miyukitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The ghoul slumped against the far wall was a skinny teen, oddly angular with knobby elbows and knees. He had a crop of shaggy green hair, and drooping eyes shining bright with anxious energy. He looked scared and vulnerable, and Toudou steeled himself against that flicker of doubt. He would not pity a ghoul, because ghouls were murderers and monsters and could not be trusted. </p><p>But Toudou was nervous too – first mission jitters – and as always, his mouth moved faster than his brain could keep up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boys only want love if it's torture, don't say I didn't warn you

**Author's Note:**

> Write a crossover, they said. It'll be fun, they said. /stares at word count 
> 
> Have another pointless Yowapeda/TG crossover with a terrible trashy pop music title where Sohoku are ghouls, Hakogaku are CCG, and the points don't matter :D 
> 
> (This fic doesn't have any connection to canon but it does assume reader has basic knowledge of ghoul anatomy.)

 

 

 

Their lips parted with a soft exhale.

 

Toudou blinked, dazed, and couldn't help himself from eagerly leaning into another warm kiss. Somewhere through the haziness, a nagging voice persisted:

 

_It wasn't supposed to turn out like this._

 

_Toudou Jinpachi, what has become of you?_

 

_How could you fall so far?_

 

_Have you no pride?_

 

A little moan escaped his throat, if only to drown that voice for a moment. Long fingers brushed against his throat, feeling the bob of his Adam's apple as he nervously gulped. The hand strayed lower, slipping under his shirt collar to trace his collarbone with lazy ease. He was powerless to resist.

 

"M… Maki-chan…" he whispered reverently, and closed his eyes in surrender.

 

* * *

 

 

When they first met, Toudou was a Rank 2 investigator, freshly graduated from the Academy and ready to earn his wings. He had aced all of his written exams – naturally – and excelled at the field tests as well, quickly earning him high praise from his superiors. He would go far, they said at his commencement ceremony, and he preened while his admirers threw him flowers.

 

He had a guaranteed place at the CCG, and was assigned an elegant quinque he thought complimented his innate perfection quite nicely. He named his weapon 'Sleeping Beauty', which earned him a few snickers from his colleagues, but they shut up once they saw how flawlessly he could handle the blade. It was a koukaku type, dense and heavy, but Toudou possessed a lean strength that allowed him to wield the broadsword almost silently. He would show them he was more than just a pretty face. He was impatient for his first mission, and when he finally got it, he went rushing in with boundless enthusiasm to clean up the streets of his beloved Tokyo.

 

Toudou was arrogant as he was inexperienced. That night he ran ahead of Fukutomi, his first partner, insisting they could trap the fleeing ghoul if they chased him into a warehouse. Toudou cornered their target first, before Fukutomi arrived, and drew his quinque to block the only exit. He thought he would get extra accolades if he could hold his own in real combat.

 

The target was not what he expected. The photograph on file was a blurry shot from a traffic camera; it showed only a silhouette hidden beneath a mess of monstrous tentacles. They looked like spider legs, earning him the moniker 'Peak Spider'. (Toudou had pictured some barbarian with slavering mandibles and a necklace of human parts, if he was perfectly honest with himself.) They had tracked his kagune secretions and pinned down a likely suspect, but it was up to the investigators to prove this was the Spider.

 

The ghoul slumped against the far wall was a skinny teen, oddly angular with knobby elbows and knees. He had a crop of shaggy green hair, and drooping eyes shining bright with anxious energy. He looked scared and vulnerable, and Toudou steeled himself against that flicker of doubt. He would not pity a _ghoul_ , because ghouls were murderers and monsters and could not be trusted. But Toudou was nervous too – first mission jitters – and as always, his mouth moved faster than his brain could keep up.

 

"Green hair! How did you expect to blend in like that? You knew we'd catch you! Are you some sort of beetle?"

 

The ghoul stiffened in surprise, then indignation. He muttered something under his breath about "hairbands" and "Doves", and then Toudou took a step back despite his best efforts, because the blood red kagune was unfurling larger and larger –

 

By the time Fukutomi reached him, Toudou was on the floor. The rinkaku tentacles had overpowered his quinque and nearly broken it; he had been lucky to escape with only a broken arm and a blow to his pride. The Peak Spider had escaped, and the capture operation was a failure.

 

Battered and bloody, Toudou swore he would make up for his mistake.

 

* * *

 

 

He had been stuck as a desk jockey for the weeks it took his arm to heal. Every paper he had to sign, he did so with a muttered curse at the Spider's expense. Fukutomi was assigned a new partner – some troublemaking upstart named Arakita, of whom Toudou harbored an immediate and fully rational hatred. Toudou's illustrious career at the CCG had taken a dreadful turn, and it was entirely the fault of the Peak Spider, who still remained at large.

 

When he was finally granted permission to do field work again, he had expected to rejoin Fukutomi's team and pick up where he left off. Instead, he got saddled with a new partner – some Rank 3 he had never heard of before, Manami Sangaku. Rank 3 investigators were wild cards, since they were not Academy graduates but outside recruits with unusual talents. Toudou did his best to be a gracious superior and show him the ropes, but Manami proved to be difficult to work with; always distracted, never on time, airheaded, and utterly unreliable. (Somehow this too was the Peak Spider's fault, because Toudou suspected this partnership was meant to be a punishment for his failure.)

 

He refused to let this hold him back from glory. They did alright on their next few small-scale missions. Toudou was still excellent at handling his quinque, and Manami turned out to be pretty good in a pinch, exhibiting skills that never seemed to show up during routine drills. They got a capture assignment and successfully apprehended a pair of ghouls that had been abducting children from a local park. Toudou drew out their kagune and summarily executed them for quinque harvest as the Academy had taught him to do. Once the bodies had been collected by the CCG, Toudou decided to treat Manami at a coffee shop for a job well done.

 

"…Even though _I_ did most of the work," Toudou boasted with a loud laugh. Things were getting back on track. He beamed an indulgent smile at his protégé, although the smile slowly slipped off his lips as he stared over Manami's shoulder.

 

It was the second time they'd met. Leaning against the far wall of the coffee shop was that unmistakable teenager – defiantly green hair clashing against some brilliantly-colored fashion disaster sweater. He was sipping idly at a coffee and toying with the cord of his ear buds, and he hadn't noticed Toudou. Chance!

 

Toudou squeezed Manami's shoulder and whispered as he stood: "Stay here, be ready for my signal."

 

He sidled his way carefully around the café tables, briefcase clutched in white-knuckled fingers. There were innocent bystanders here, so he couldn't draw his quinque until he was in range. His heart was racing, and it occurred to him then that he was more excited by this than the double capture and kill he'd performed flawlessly. This would set the record straight and get him back on the path to promotion!

 

Slowly… steadily…

 

Several things happened all at once: Toudou grabbed the ghoul's elbow and flashed him a triumphant grin, the ghoul jerked in startled reflex and spilled hot coffee all over Toudou, both of them yelped in surprise and jumped back, and then their eyes met.

 

"You-!" the ghoul snapped, ripping the ear buds angrily from his ears. "What do you think you're doing, sho?!"

 

His eyes dropped to the briefcase, then flickered kakugan black, just for a second. Toudou lunged to grab him again, but the lanky ghoul was too fast – he kicked a table into the way, then bolted out the door.

 

Toudou stared, stricken, as his chance for promotion vanished around the street corner. His dejected gaze dropped to stare at his coffee-stained suit, which was beginning to feel cold and wet against his skin. Righteous anger darkened his expression. He snapped to attention, hands planted on his hips as he glared at the shocked patrons at their tables.

 

"Where the hell were you, Manami?!" he screeched.

 

But his useless partner was doubled over, _laughing_.

 

"Sorry, senpai, was the coffee the signal?"

 

If looks could kill, Toudou would have had a third body for the CCG collection van.

 

When he stooped to pick up his briefcase and the vestiges of his pride, he noticed a gleam of familiar green against the floor tiles. A cell phone.

 

Toudou picked up the metallic case and curiously flipped it open. Could it be? There were no photographs on it except a generic shot of a mountain, so he couldn't be certain, but… It could be the ghoul's.

 

He slipped it in his pocket and decided he would investigate it on his own time. He would eventually come to regret this decision.

 

* * *

 

 

Toudou collapsed onto his bed. It had been a long week at the office waiting in vain for his next assignment.

 

The tech guys finally got the cell phone records for him, but the only useful bit of information was the registered name 'Makishima'. The address on file was an abandoned lot, and while he wouldn't put it past a gross ghoul to squat in a condemned building, it would make no sense for him to put that on the grid. A cursory search of the Tokyo census revealed hundreds of different Makishima in the city, all with different character spellings. He had sort of hoped that some Facebook profile with green-haired selfies would have popped up, but alas, he was not that fortunate.

 

He glared at the cell phone, willing it to divulge its secrets, before he flopped his face into the pillow in defeat. The Spider was probably long gone now; some other ward's problem. He shouldn't obsess over one unclosed case. (Even if Manami had spread the story of his embarrassment at the café, and now Arakita pantomimed spilling coffee on him every time he entered the break room. Stupid Arakita. Stupid Manami.)

 

The phone vibrated on the pillow next to him.

 

Toudou sat bolt upright and snatched it eagerly. A text! Was it an acquaintance? There were no names in the address book, so everything would be unlisted numbers, but –

 

_[did someone pick up this cell? i lost it]_

 

Toudou beamed. His luck had turned! His deft fingers tapped out a reply, lit by the glow of the screen.

 

_[You must be Maki-chan! I found your phone in the café. I can bring it back there this weekend.]_

 

His infinite patience evaporated after seconds without a response. Soon he was lying on his back, holding the phone above his head and kicking his heels idly against the mattress. Maybe he had been too eager. Maybe he shouldn't have used a nickname. This ghoul was a spider, right? Someone good at waiting, at sniffing out traps… someone cautious enough to evade the CCG even with that ridiculous hair…

 

It took several minutes, but finally the screen lit up with a reply.

 

_[don't call me weird nicknames. this better not be that lame hairband guy]_

 

Toudou threw the phone across the room.

 

Of course he scrambled after it moments later, stumbling in the dark and stubbing his toe against the bed post. After cursing the Spider and checking to make sure the phone wasn't broken – it wasn't – he struggled to craft his response.

 

"What are you talking about? I'm not a guy, I'm a cute girl," he tried aloud, then shook his head. He'd have to send a pic as proof. He needed to convince him to meet up.

 

"No, no, what about… I've never met you, but you owe me a cup of coffee for keeping your phone. Hmm. He seems like a loner, so would he be tempted by a date?"

 

While he talked through potential replies to his empty apartment, the phone buzzed again.

 

_[so it is the dove. keep the phone, asshole. but next time we meet you won't get off with just a broken arm]_

 

Toudou kicked the bed frame in frustration, then bit back the yelp of pain because he'd forgotten about the stubbed toe. Glowering fiercely at the little screen, he angrily fired back a text without forethought.

 

_[I'll be the one to catch you Maki-chan! My name is Toudou Jinpachi and I'll beat you next time! It's a promise!]_

 

Hours later, he was still too fired up about the prospect of 'next time' to fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Over the months that followed, Toudou fell into a strange routine.

 

He and Manami did well on their casework, and earned bigger targets to pursue. And every so often, they would encounter the Peak Spider, who appeared to have connections to higher-ranked targets such as the Bear and the Snake of the Stone Path. Toudou knew if he could capture the now A-rank Spider, it would spell promotion for sure. Imagine the information they could gain from interrogation in Cochlea! Makishima had to be taken alive.

 

But every time they clashed, kagune against quinque, Makishima managed to get away. Sometimes Toudou or Manami got injured and the team was forced to retreat, and other times he would score a good blow on the ghoul only to have the Spider climb over a building with his creepy rinkaku "legs". Manami started teasingly referring to the Spider as "Toudou's rival", which only irked the investigator further.

 

The strange routine was that he still carried that cell phone with him.

 

He had to buy a charger that fit it so the battery didn't die, and he convinced the tech guys to take over the payment plan "for the sake of the investigation". He never bothered to mention that this was off the record. It wasn't exactly a personal expense, though. Not by his definition. The texts he sent certainly weren't personal. Entirely business related. Toudou Jinpachi was anything but obsessive.

 

_[I wasn't in top condition today, Maki-chan, that's the only reason you escaped! Next time!]_

 

_[No fair climbing the telephone pole, Maki-chan! That was off-limits! Cheater!]_

 

_[Maki-chan, I haven't seen you for a while. Finally run away scared? Wa ha ha!]_

 

He did wonder whether the number he was texting was still in service. There was never any reply, so he could just be taunting empty air.

 

There was comfort in routine, though. There was always an extra flutter of excitement when he burst onto the scene and spotted that familiar mess of green hair, and heard that barking laugh of recognition.

 

There was always a 'next time'.

 

* * *

 

 

All at once, there was a new assignment – a big one, drawing multiple teams into a merger for one major operation. The dossier had new photos and information about the single target: S-rank Bear.

 

Toudou started in his seat; they had new information about Bear, without Spider's help? Apparently the dangerous ghoul was rumored to be on the move, and they needed to surge to capture him before he went underground. They didn't have much time to prepare, either. That day was spent barricading and evacuating parts of the city to prepare for the potential firefight to come. They expected him to emerge when night fell.

 

Toudou dutifully filed his last testament and strapped on his protective gear. He was to lead a squadron of ten bureau investigators armed with Q bullets for the ambush. Manami would lead his own squad, as would Fukutomi, Arakita, and several others, to cover strategic points in the ward. They would all be in radio contact, and once the target was sighted, all teams were instructed to converge.

 

Toudou and his men were positioned in a construction site behind a concrete barrier. They were in view of the subway tunnel entrance where all rifles were aimed. He worried a little about his absentminded kouhai, but reminded himself that Manami was good in life-or-death situations. He needed to focus on his own post.

 

He tried to remain quiet and still, quinque at the ready, but he was not good at handling anticipation. He fidgeted with his helmet, then blew his bangs out of his eyes. He scuffed the dirt with his heavy broadsword (which was getting heavier by the minute). He nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone buzzed in his pants, and several of the investigators shot him quizzical looks.

 

"Sorry! I'm certain I turned my phone off, I must have –"

 

Toudou's mouth shut abruptly. He did turn off _his_ phone. It was the green one that vibrated. Maki-chan's phone.

 

Quickly he turned his back on the squad and fumbled to open the metallic case.

 

_[i'm in the brick building to your left]_

 

Toudou blinked rapidly. The Peak Spider was here? Wait – he had been receiving texts all along? Toudou felt an irrational flare of annoyance that he had never gotten a reply, because how rude was that – no, focus! This was obviously a trap. Maybe he was trying to draw the squad away from the tunnel. The Spider was a known ally of the Bear. This was trouble.

 

A second message lit up the screen.

 

_[come alone, toudou. i'm waiting]_

 

Toudou swallowed. He couldn't very well pull his team away from their post, but… he was tempted. Sorely tempted. He knew he shouldn't let his personal vendetta interfere with the operation –

 

-And it wouldn't, he assured himself with the utmost confidence. One on one, he could match the Spider, and radio for help if needed. Besides, this was hardly a subtle trap – he was coming in with quinque drawn. He could catch the Spider and settle their score once and for all. And this way, the Spider and the Bear couldn't team up, so wasn't that safer for everyone?

 

It was flimsy logic, but Toudou had convinced himself that he could handle whatever was waiting for him in the brick building he was already approaching. His squad was under strict orders not to leave their post until he returned. Really, he just hated standing around waiting for something to happen.

 

He kicked the door open, both hands tight around the hilt of his quinque sword.

 

"Maki-chaaaaan!" he announced loudly.

 

The hallway was dark until he elbowed the wall switch. Fluorescent lights hummed to life, illuminating the empty chairs and potted plants of a reception area. Toudou grinned and bounded down the hall, broadsword scraping the tiles.

 

"Maki-chan, I'm heeere! You gonna jump out at me? I'm waaaaiting!"

 

The building remained eerily silent. Toudou reached the end of the hall and turned, fully expecting the ghoul to be bursting out from one of the closed doors.

 

Still, there was nothing. Disappointment sank in his chest.

 

"…Maki-chan?"

 

* * *

 

 

Toudou ran back as quickly as his legs would carry him. Dread clawed in his chest as he raced through the construction site, breaths ragged, eyes shining in desperation.

 

_Shit! You shouldn't have left them, Jinpachi! You're an impulsive fool! You're such an idiot! What if-_

 

He slowed to a stunned walk. It was exactly as he feared.

 

No, it was even worse than he imagined.

 

Pieces of his squad lay scattered all over the damp ground. A head here, a hand there. Toudou tripped over a dismembered torso and nearly fell into a puddle of viscera. He gagged and stumbled backward, wind milling his arms to keep his balance. Glazed eyes swept blankly over the carnage.

 

A monster had done this. It didn't look like shots had been fired. His men hadn't even defended themselves. It had happened too quickly.

 

That meant the attack hadn't come from the subway tunnel.

 

"No," he whispered. It was his fault.

 

The sound of dreadful slurping caught his attention. Wishing he didn't know what he was about to see, Toudou slowly turned.

 

A ghoul with glowing eyes squatted over a hunk of meat – he couldn't even discern what body part it was anymore – licking and gnawing with evident enjoyment. Toudou felt like his helmet was suffocating him, and he yanked it off and threw it to the ground.

 

"Maki-chan!" Toudou screamed hoarsely, because he really didn't know what else to say. _You betrayed me?_ No, Toudou was the idiot who came running when called.

 

Ghouls were monsters and could never be trusted, but he had convinced himself that Makishima was somehow different. Maybe the playful banter and the rivalry made him seem more _human_.

 

Staring now at the lanky teen with his face stained red, spidery kagune looming over his skinny back, lank green hair spilling into the pile of gore at his feet – all he could see was a red-eyed monster.

 

Makishima stood and wiped his mouth, seeming unperturbed by the interruption.

 

"Sorry to trick you out of the way," he muttered with an awkward shrug of his bony shoulder. "Tadokorocchi is a dear friend of mine. Couldn't have you filling him with bullets, sho."

 

Toudou's jaw flapped soundlessly. He had a million things to say but didn't know where to start. This was the worst mistake he had ever made in his life. He got ten men killed, probably ruined his career, and all for what? Curiosity? Boredom? Chasing that strange spark he felt whenever this ghoul led him on? What had he really been hoping to find when he answered that invitation?

 

Why did he feel an electric current racing through him at the mere sight of the ghoul?

 

The Peak Spider rose on his rinkaku, so that the spider legs walked along the ground and his own body dangled. Toudou felt Sleeping Beauty slide from his numb fingers and clatter to the ground. A distant part of his brain tried to remind him that all was not lost: he could still fight, he could radio the other teams, never give up! Instead he felt paralyzed like a fly in a web. Stunned. Helpless.

 

"You sure are persistent, even for a Dove…"

 

Makishima commented nasally as he drew nearer. "All those texts, always chasing me, all those promises… Why are you so interested in me?"

 

The ghoul sounded almost annoyed, _accusing_ him, and Toudou felt a sick laugh bubble out of his throat. _Why, indeed._ He'd been asking himself the same thing.

 

Instead he squared his shoulders and spoke, willing his voice not to quaver or go up an octave.

 

"So why lure me away in the first place, Maki-chan? You're going to eat me now, right? Why send the message at all?"

 

Makishima paused, and slowly lowered himself to the ground in front of Toudou. Black and red kakugan bored a hole through Toudou, who jerked his chin in subtle defiance even as his lower lip trembled. He was not afraid. He brought this upon himself. He deserved whatever was coming.

 

"I… suppose I was curious," the ghoul murmured. "To see if you would go. If you stayed, I would have killed you with them."

 

"Of course I would go! You _knew_ I would, I always meet you, I'm the one who's gonna catch you–"

 

Toudou's rising hysterics fell silent when Makishima raised his hand.

 

"Shut up, Toudou! It... it was a test," the ghoul added haltingly, and glanced down at the ground. "I needed to know what mattered to you."

 

Toudou wanted to throw up. He felt like laughing and crying and screaming all at once. He was CCG. He was human. His loyalties lay with the investigators that were festooned around the construction site like grisly confetti. He had no excuse, no excuse, for what he'd done – for what he was still about to do. All of his pride, all of his ambition, what did he have left? Why was he frozen in place?

 

Makishima leaned in and kissed him.

 

There was a coppery taste of blood still wet on those lips, but they were warm, and Toudou felt heat flush his cheeks and tingle down his spine. Shame prickled hot tears in his eyes, but he stubbornly closed them, losing himself to the touch he didn't know he had been yearning for.

 

Their lips parted with a soft exhale.

 

Toudou blinked, dazed, and couldn't help himself from eagerly leaning into another warm kiss. Somewhere through the haziness, a nagging voice persisted:

 

_It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. You ruined everything you worked for._

 

_Toudou Jinpachi, what has become of you? You made so many mistakes you can't possibly fix this time. People are dead because of you.  
_

 

_How could you fall so far? Do those wings mean nothing to you? You're a traitor to your cause – to humanity!_

 

_Have you no pride? Did you really fall in love with a ghoul?_

 

A little moan escaped his throat, if only to drown that voice for a moment. Long fingers brushed against his throat, feeling the bob of his Adam's apple as he nervously gulped. The hand strayed lower, slipping under his shirt collar to trace his collarbone with lazy ease. He was powerless to resist.

 

"M… Maki-chan…" he whispered reverently, and closed his eyes in surrender.

 

"Jinpachi," the ghoul murmured in response, eliciting a shiver. They both flinched when the radio crackled with static, and Fukutomi's gruff voice demanded Toudou respond with his team's status. Toudou's fingers twitched in trained response. He needed to reply, or…

 

"The Doves are coming. Will you stay with them? Or do you want to go with me?"

 

Toudou's eyes flew impossibly wide.

 

Go… with a ghoul? Take his enemy's side over everything he stood for? He was traitor enough for having deserted his post, and, and, having _kissed_ the monster responsible for the slaughter around them, and, what if this was another lie, a trick to take advantage of his helpless attraction? His mind was fuzzy with shock. He felt incapable of deciding anything.

 

He took too long to answer.

 

Makishima's face darkened, and he stepped backward, rinkaku rising. Toudou had the strangest sense of déjà vu, and flashed back to their first meeting – that scared, vulnerable loner trapped in a corner, _that_ was the face he was making, and what if he never saw Maki-chan again? Was all of this for nothing? It couldn't end like this. 

 

"Of course I'll go with you," Toudou blurted, and licked his lips anxiously. His mouth moved faster than his brain could catch up. "I promised I'd be the one to catch you, didn't I?"

 

When he remembered that moment later, Toudou would edit out the nervous squeak in his voice and the desperate tears he was blinking back. He sounded much more confident and less needy in his head.

 

Makishima scrutinized him, almost unwilling to trust him, even though he'd been the one to offer.

 

Then skinny arms wrapped around Toudou's midsection and hoisted him up, and he held on for dear life as the Peak Spider fled the scene of the massacre.

 

* * *

 

 

The operation was a failure. They found his quinque and his radio later at the scene, and assumed the worst. Missing in action; presumed dead.

 

Rank 2 Toudou's last testament was read and enacted. He would have gone far, they said at his memorial ceremony, and his admirers threw flowers at an empty casket. Fukutomi and Arakita wore suits. Manami didn't attend. His assets were donated to the charity for war orphans, and like that, his human life was erased, but never forgotten.

 

Over the months that followed, the dead man fell into a strange routine.

 

He learned to make a pot of black coffee every morning, bitter and too strong for his delicate sensibilities. He would cook meals for one, and remember to open the window of the small apartment so that the scent of eggs or rice or fish didn't offend someone _else's_ much crabbier and less delicate sensibilities. He learned not to look in the crisper drawer, or open suspicious parcels wrapped in brown paper and twine, but that it was okay to shriek and whine about them being left carelessly on the counter for him to find.

 

He made a schedule to buy hair dye and helped apply it, even if he complained about the garish color and the need to treat those split ends and _really_ , Maki-chan, was it so hard to use a blow dryer instead of letting it drip all over the bathroom. He still wrote texts obsessively, and still got that fluttering rush of excitement when he actually got one reply back for every ten sent.

 

He learned about scent-marking, and the reason other ghouls wouldn't dare attack him when he carried the Peak Spider's scent. He was strangely proud to broadcast his importance to Maki-chan even when they were apart, and wondered if ghouls smelled him on his mate the same way. He hoped so. 

 

He had nightmares sometimes about bodies and blood, and burned his uniform one night after waking from one because he knew he could never look at dove's wings again, not after living so selfishly.

 

He learned that he wasn't the only one who felt ashamed sometimes about what they were doing.

 

It was routine, then, to have a day every once in a while where neither of them wanted to leave the bed. They would stay pressed against each other in a tangle of limbs, a pair of traitors holding hands under the covers, inhaling scents and exhaling words of comfort against bare skin.

 

Sometimes Makishima would kiss roughly and leave bruises and bites, and tell him it was because his skin was too flawless and it annoyed him that a human could look so beautiful (even with a lame hairband).

 

Sometimes Toudou would massage the ghoul's pale back until his kagune came spilling out in a jumble of red, and he would rub those too, and whisper as spider legs twined around him that he loved every part of Maki-chan.

 

Toudou thought maybe deep down they both knew it was unsustainable. It couldn't last forever, a ghoul and a human.

 

There were just some mistakes he would happily make again and again.

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Also have a scribble doodle: https://twitter.com/Magepaw/status/573680275676336128


End file.
